Note: The quotes page is insanely long, as we have been adding things we and people we know have said for around four years now. If you don't want to load this extremely large document into your web browser and enjoy the good long while of occasional outbursts and constant ponderings to follow, we urge you to hit the 'stop' button right now.
"I AM a huge inverted zit!"
-Em
"I got dumb; call me back when I'm smart."
-Becky
"Any time, any place, any way... as long as it's Billy Corgan."
-Becky
"Smell my foot?"
-Becky
"There is something to be said for sleep. Unfortunately, I'm too tired
to say it."
-Em
"Death seems to be something which occurs in every culture."
-Becky
"Oh, my god, that's freaky! All the guys on here just asked me to dance!
Wow, I'm like, popular!"
-Margot, Em's sister, in a chat
room
"It's taken me a long time to finally realize that life isn't just some
sick television program. And you just know, tomorrow I'll find out it
is."
-Em
Becky: How come you can talk to guys about your interests and I
can't?!
Emily: ...because I'm not interested in cadavers??
Becky (to Tristan): Is she right?
Tristan: YES!
Becky: Why are you taking his groin?!
Emily: It's plastic!
"It is okay to be apprehensive of Tristan."
-Ali
"I wouldn't want some guy with a name making my page."
-Brian F.
"I could make a living if I wasn't demented!"
-Fred, Becky's stepdad
Emily: I hate my life...
Becky: Try mine for a week.
Emily: I hate your life, too...
"My rabbit's not stupid! She's just a realist."
-Margot
"My dog is cool. She thinks I have food, but I don't. Silly dog."
-Brian F.
"Oh my god! That broke the sound barrier!"
-Em's mom, referring to a sneeze
"But it's delicious solid food."
-Brian F., on ice
"Oh majik slinky... you don't want to be alive??"
-Em
"I'm understanding something about cars, kinda- sorta- maybe- in a way!!"
-Becky
"Look! It's like, a little old man hot dog!!"
-Em, before realizing she was
saying something stupid
"It's probably not a good idea to smack yourself in the head with books,
is it?"
-Em
"I had so much fun yesterday! I ate an orange!"
-Becky
"Now let's settle this once and for all: Am I a chipmunk or am I a cow?"
-Brian W.
"Life: lonely but there. Existance: empty but there. Lunch: really good!"
-Becky
"It's easy... Just stand close, put your arms around them and try not
to let them step on your toes."
-Becky, on dancing
"I can masturbate without therapy, thank you very much!"
-Jason
Becky: You got drunk?
Tristan: Eh, somewhat. Only enough to be able to brag about it
and still be able to talk to my parents while I was.
Becky: I think you're saying you're fucked.
Tristan: Well, yeah, I have been relatively fucked this past week.
It happens.
Becky: Being fucked isn't fun. Wait!! Scratch that!! I'm-sorry-you-had-a-bad-week...
"I think Em looks, surprisingly, very good purple, and I kinda blend in
with the wall."
-Becky
"I am a quote."
-Brian F.
Brian: I want a Hammond organ.
Emily: Yeah!! That would kick ass.
Brian: As would a boot.
Emily: Yes, yes a boot would hurt. And I suppose if you lunged
at my buttocks with a Hammond organ, it'd hurt, too.
"You're claiming to be Satan, and you're worried about a little incest?!"
-Becky's mom
"Make yourself corpse-like!"
-Emily
Emily: I've decided to be a closet Fuck fan.
Becky: You just like fucking in the closet.
Emily: What are you doing?
Brian: Trying to make a program fill the screen with color.
Emily: Why?
Brian: Because.
Emily: You love me?
Brian: That would not be a good reason to fill the screen.
"::tries to kiss you but falls over in a pile of sleeping human::"
-Tristan, to Becky
"Oh man... I should've signed Brian's annual. I thought of the perfect
thing to write. 'How to make an ass of yourself. One, sign peoples' annuals
whom you don't really know. Two, admit that you like them. Three, leave
your phone number. Emily Cannon, 555-1211'"
-Emily to Becky
Becky: All my quotes make me sound like an idiot!
Emily: Would you like to think of something intelligent to say?
~mutual laughter~
"God is a place!"
-Becky, being a quote-page whore
"I almost promoted you from armrest to human, but you just blew it!"
-Becky, to Ocean
Seattle: You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.
Becky: Oh yes, of course! ... Oh my god, it's hot in here!! I am
so hot!!
Seattle: Yes, you're *very* hot! You don't have to keep saying
it!
Becky: Ooh, I *am* gonna miss you!
"Bad posture is not my only secret to success, though, mind you. I couldn't
have done it all without these Acme Super Duper Enhanced Vaccuum Extensions!"
-Hai
Becky's mom: Are you a corn cob?
Becky's brother, Isaac: *amused silence*
Emily: It's a picture.
Becky: No, it's not. It's an elephant.
Emily: It's okay, it can still look annoyingly cheesy.
"You're an eager beaver!"
-Becky
"What's so funny about applesauce?!"
-Becky
"You're bastardizing an ABBA song to talk about cadavers."
-Emily, to Becky about her singing
about a "cadaver queen"
In reference to this quote
page:
Becky: (offering hand) We're officially sad.
Emily: (accepting the hand) That's okay. We're cool like
that.
Sandra: I'll cover myself in sticky milk and jump in a gigantic
bowl of cereal with marshmallows. That way, they stick to me. Then I'll
run around town that way.
Emily: You may get arrested for indecent exposure and cruelty to
marshmallows, but whatever fries your chicken.
"No one cares about me. They just humour and laugh at me, or other stuff
if they be in that mood. I'm not here to be cared about! I'm here to be
experienced!"
-Becky
"I just don't believe in postcards."
-Brian F.
"I just put the timestamp on, and we've been discussing cereal for quite
some time."
-Sandra
"My name... I shouldn't tell you that. I never tell anyone my real name.
I just call myself Brian. Don't ask me why; I think I look like a Brian."
-Dameon
"Just remind me to be, like, addicted to birth control."
-Em
"Mmmm... British people..."
-Em
Becky: *lick* Mmm, you taste salty.
Emily: No, I don't! I taste like hair dye and soap.
Becky: Ew. *unlick*
Emily: You forget I'm not into cartoons and comics and stuff.
Marc: And that is what makes you a mole and me a slug.
Becky: You have no sense of humor.
Leland: I have a sense of humor, it's just different from yours.
Becky: Obviously.
Leland: For instance, if someone was to hide behind a desk and
say in a spooky voice "Start a satanic cult!," I'd find it very amusing.
"Black. It, uh, does something."
-Paul, Em's brother
Emily: Paul! Your underwear is sticking out!
Em's brother, Paul: Oh, it does that for some strange reason.
"I don't mean to frighten you, but your little brother has a lucky toenail."
-Em's mom
"I feel pummelled!"
-Becky
"A mosquito gave me a hickey."
-Em
"...Yeah? So? Then they'd be Radiohead, and I'd be happy with them. I
think all bands should be Radiohead."
-Sarah, talking about Suede
Emily: We got the delve into the more "real" downtown area [of
DC] for awhile this afternoon, which is far more interesting to me than
just about any Smithsonian.
Tristan: You say that as if there are multiple Smithsonian places.
"Where's the leaves and flower shit?!"
-Em's mom, commenting on strange
artwork in their hotel room
"I love olives, they're just not good to eat. They're only good for snowman's
eyes or something."
-Em's mom
[note: She was eating Grey Poupon straight from the jar at the time.]
"You can so leave me alone! I swear to god I'll only order porn!"
-Em
"I never boss my belt loops around."
-Becky
"I'm only stupid when I'm awake."
-Charlie
"We have this bad punk cos of all the idiotic college students here who
like to jump around and slam into things so maybe they can fool themselves
into thinking they're having sex. It's annoying. I don't like college
students."
-Bridget, a Corvallis, Ore. resident
"I've lost my mind." (looks around sadly) "I don't know where it
ran to..."
-Becky
"You look like a dead cat trying to paw a dead mouse."
-Em's brother, Paul
"I'm gonna kick your head. I need more tea."
-Em, to her sister in a restaurant
"I've had that mole on the back of my neck forever; I'm thinking about
naming it."
-Em's brother, Paul
"This is sick and not right!!"
-Jerry, while being held down
by Becky
Margot: Look, you guys! It's Sailor Moon!
Paul: No, it's not. Where's the meatballs?!
"I don't like selecting my butt."
-Em
"It's like sexually brushing your teeth."
-Becky, on fellatio
"I could make you that woman."
-Em
"Oh, you forgot eyebrows! You can borrow some of mine."
-Becky
"Tristan thinks that Becky's IM window is looking pretty sexy right now."
-Tristan
"But family dinners are so important to a family's togetherness!"
-Leland
"I am under the influence of sexy."
-Sarah
"I wouldn't go so far as to differentiate me from the rest of my sex as
'THE MAN,' but yeah, some other such moniker would do nicely."
-Eric
"What are you doing, Becky? Getting ready to pounce? Or just watching
me become a homosapien sun-dial?"
-Dameon
"I'd rather not draw on your nipples, thank you."
-Em, to Becky
"So many blunt objects, and I had to use my numb fingers."
-Paul, reflecting on "getting
even" with Jerry
"Make me warm and squishy, like a rotten melon rind."
-Liz and Amanda, in an extended
metaphor poem
"It's not a matter of light or dark, exactly... the purple remains."
-Jeff
Emily: Violence is so fun when it's only text! So long as no one
dies, what's the problem?
Sarah: You know, I'd never thought of it that way. *throws her
actual brother*
"I like the windy feeling on the side of my head."
-Steven
"I can't make out any of the lyrics, except for 'Jumpin' Jack Flash!!
Jumpin' Jack Flash!!' somethin' somethin' somethin'... 'In the middle
of the nieieieieieieieight!!!'"
-Em
While in Journalism class:
Ali: We're a group of talented, hard-working...
Robyn: ...slackers?
Ali: Yeah!
Zach: Really? Then I'm in the wrong class.
"I'm gonna throw this at you and miss!"
-Paul, holding a baseball
"I think my life needs more death."
-Sarah
"What usage of 'gay' are you referring to? Cos I never thought of you
as homosexual, only a lesbian."
-Em, to Tristan, a male
"Perhaps you should consider rubbing your poor, irritated eye. I think
you may find it to be pleasantly helpful in this situation (please note
that I'm not suggesting you rub your eye whenever anything bothers you)."
-Tristan, to Em
"I don't think I like high school enough to get a ring."
-Alana
"I had sex!! ... And when I say 'had,' I mean 'thought about.'"
-Tristan
While in Journalism class:
Emily: I... don't have anything to do.
Darrell: That's what this class is for.
"Move it a little bit up... no, down... no, up... just a little... a pixel
up! okay, two pixels up! ...no! that was three!... a little u--Just let
me do it. Here, hold on... There!"
-Em, "helping" Jennifer lay out
her page
"Oh, Henry, they're having sex again."
-Paul, in an old lady voice
"Don't hate me because I'm euphoric! Hate me because I insist on rubbing
it in!"
-Becky
Conversation with a new "friend"
on ICQ:
Travis: Have you ever had c-sex?
Emily: ...No.
Travis: Would you ever have it?
Emily: At the moment, I'll say no, okay?
Travis: Okay. I am cool with that. If you change your mind, just
tell me.
"So, we have beer, which is kinda like Europe, and it's in a closet, which
is also like Europe."
-The guy announcing horror flicks
at OFS on Halloween
"Look! Look how cool it is to see that big sack of nothing!"
-Norena
"Even the nakedness???"
-Tristan
"When I'm eighteen, I'll go buy edible underwear and porn just because
I can."
-Becky
"If you said half the things I think you say, you'd be weirder than you
are."
-Becky's mom, to Becky
"Becky had an educated thought!!! Call the locksmith!!"
-Becky, damning the Pledge of
Allegiance
Emily: I see.
Becky: Don't; I'm lying.
"Most decent companies rip off their customers."
-Matt
"How do you throw up so quietly?!"
-Becky's mom, while Becky was
violently ill
"The sex thing really gets me off."
-Becky, explaining how Spanish
nouns are confusing
"Tonight is a good night to pee outside. It'll blow on your legs."
-Becky's mom
"You can get lung cancer from boys!"
-Amanda, in the final reason
of her why-be-homosexual rant
"I could do that... or I could sit here like a submissive lump, which
is more likely to happen."
-Liz
"No, I do not suck my marbles."
-Em
"I'm too tired to shake convincingly."
-Liz
"Okay. This is the first major lesson in life: Male. Warm."
-Becky, when Em asked her why
Matt was warm while she was cold
Liz: Do you ever wish you could just shoot people like dogs?
Emily: Yes.
Liz: Good, I'm not alone.
"I was like, 'Oh, wow. I'm being attacked by the bisexuals.'"
-Em, talking about Becky and
Amanda giving her kisses
"That gives me visions of latex gloves and superglue."
-Jenn the cute/fuzzy one
"They may be dry, but they still smell really good."
-Em, about week-old brownies
Paul: Emily, my ass is for sitting, not kissing.
Emily: Is that so? Did you just read that?
Paul: No, this book was written in the 1800s.
Emily: And you think they didn't know the word "ass" then?
Paul: Only camels.
"I mean, that's how you know something makes them sick: They die. That's
why they're called guinea pigs."
-Em's dad
"Oh! I finally understand what an accident is!"
-Paul (he meant a musical "accidental")
"How many pictures do you need? I can only do so many things."
-Pat
"It would suck your nonexistent cock."
-Matt
"I am old and spicy, hence the Old Spice I am wearing."
-Tristan
"Niraj checks for a pulse...finding one...he performs CPR."
-Niro
"Hello! I missed you so much I wet myself. [...] I said that with a straight
face!"
-Becky, to Dameon
"You need to take lots of drugs to get you all messed up. That will solve
your problems."
-Brian F., to Em
"There will be no, I repeat NO brown sugar in my death cookies."
-Brian F.
"Face it, Emily, you're turning into an old man."
-Tristan, to Em, because she
listens to Paul Simon
"I like being a satanic chicken."
-Amanda, playing Mario 3
Matt: [The pooper-scoopers at Lakefair] only get paid $10 for the
whole fair.
Emily: No way! They should get paid a shitload of money!
Becky: I think you were having sex.
Dave: I wish I could say that.
Becky: Try.
Dave: I was hav-... I can't, but I wish I could!
Becky: Come on, Dave, you can do it! Put a little power to it!
Dave: Oh, okay. I was having se-... I was having se-... I was having
sex with my dog!
"I found myself making an analogy between split ends and people with a
lot of problems. I almost felt extremely guilty for cutting my split ends."
-Becky
"Golly! I almost pulled out. I would've died a lot!"
-Becky's mom
In an Italian restaruant:
Becky: I'm a vampire and I'm dying from the garlic.
Becky's mom: Well, good!!
"I might be a little odd today because I have a spine in my trunk."
-Matt
Jenn: I can't even swear without giggling!
Emily: Painting your nipples is not the same as swearing.
"No food, no water, no BANSAI TREES?! What the hell kind of place is this?!"
-Margot
"If you would paint your nipples, I would let you tie me to the water
fountain."
-Becky, to Jenn
"Happy blowing!"
-Ingrid
"Isn't Spanish almost like a second language to you?"
-Paul, to Em, a fourth year Spanish
student
Emily: How're you?
Becky: As good as a goat in a land made of tin cans!
Tristan: So what have you been doing?
Becky: Tons! You?
Tristan: Ounces... yeah, just ounces. Thanks for asking!
"Yeah, well, trabajar to you, too!"
-Margot's best comeback
"I remember everything... with a bit of prompting."
-Becky
"They're not just the same character with different hair colors, you know.
They're also different heights."
-Amelia, very seriously, about
Sailor Moon
"You're not geeky enough, Emily."
-Didrik
"Photoshop is currently sucking my system. More accurately, it is suckling
at Windows' teats. It's a beautiful mother-child relationship."
-Em
"That's what I say to myself every morning: 'Gee, Pegg, how can you be
a hot commodity today?'"
-Jenny Pegg
"You're remarkably good at being snooty."
-Mrs. Ensberg, paying Em a compliment
Emily: You need to go to the International Condom Store.
Becky, wearing a push-up bra and jumping: I do! I do, I do, I do!
Oh! I fell out!
"I'm really sad I had to tell you that. Now I'm reliving the terror of
knowing."
-Becky (don't ask why)
"So, I wash my face with the dew, and I am Nature Boy."
-Peter, rolling around naked
in Becky's yard
"Ew! It's long and skinny... Is it your hand, or your dick?"
-Becky's mom
Becky's mom: What are you doing in there?
Becky, in the bathroom: I'm having sex!
Becky's mom: She always says that, but she doesn't mean it. Virgin,
virgin, virgin!!!
"I don't want to piss my band off, but at the same time, I really enjoy
being naked."
-Peter
"Where'd you learn to play ping-pong, one-armed leper school?"
-Chad
Brian: Hey, there's gotta be a silver lining in this thing somewhere.
Emily: Sometimes those silver linings just turn out to be zinc
or something.
Brian: Zinc would be better than those crappy silver linings.
Becky: I'm a cross-dresser.
Becky's mom, not looking up: I'm not going to deal with this conversation.
"I need some sucky-sucky, mommy!!"
-Overheard on the bus
Emily: I found an ad. It says: "Beer -- helping ugly people have
sex since 1991." Offensive or funny?
Brian: Offensive. Beer has been helping ugly people have sex for
hundreds of years.
"I'm Syd Barrett! I swear!"
-Matt, making a performance proposal
"These people are going to ingest the stuff! I'm just wearing it."
-Becky, complaining about numbed
lips
While discussing our sadistic
"comida de belleza al azar":
Becky: Golly gee whilikers, Em, this stuff is deadly!
Emily: Yup.
"I know what you're going to say, but I actually did comb my hair
today."
-Father Kime
Dameon: I walk around halfway dressed often.
Becky: Sadly, I can't get away with that. In my own house, I'll
do it.
Dameon: In my own house, I'll go naked.
Becky: I'll do both. . . at the same time.
"Walls should be shades of reddish brown... or blue... or gray... or green...
or PURPLE!! Hm. Or yellow. In summary, walls should be a color."
-Becky
"My reality is disoriented. I thought I could step back and live, but
I was wrong."
-Em
Tim: Do you have any hidden eyes?
Becky: Definately.
Tim: Will you tell me where?
Becky: My armpits.
Tim: Eww, do you have to shave their eyelashes?
"Travis": Are you seeking slaves? I am seeking to be totally owned
and kept in chains 24/7/365.
Becky: Well, no, I don't have time for that, but thanks for the
offer.
"HAG!"
-Jayce, Becky's not-yet-two-year-old
nephew, to Becky's mom
"I'm going to find something... maybe my mind...! Maybe... Kool-Aid..."
-Becky
Becky: He's so romantic, Em! He's singing me "Twinkle Twinkle Little
Star"!!
Emily: Awww... Now, that's love.
"I've never gotten water from that sink before, in the little paper cups
to drink, besides when I'm brushing my teeth and I need water afterwards.
I like these cups. All the water is already gone." [Later] "I took
all the water in one drink. I'm Super Water Drinker Man."
-Dameon
"We do not live in reality! We live in MONEY!"
-Sr. Alejandro, economics professor
"You know, there's a lot of colors in the world..."
-Em
"...And when I meet a girl turtle as pretty as a dream, I sniff her shell
right between the knees!"
-Em's spontaneous turtle song
"Hello, my name is Tommy Tucker and I'd like to use your butter on your
bum!"
-Becky's spontaneously weird
song (it was a very song-filled day)
"I'm going to get me some teeny bopper magazines."
-Becky, making frantic jacking-off
motions in the air
Dameon: I'm as horny as a piece of plywood.
Becky: How horny is that?
Dameon: Not very.
"your mother fucker. go a hell."
-some idiot on random chat in
ICQ
Paul: Why are they all guys?
Emily: Because guys are always looking for girls.
Paul, in a goofy voice: Yes, we are always on the hunt.
"But, you know, Smurfs and everything--they're not weird."
-Em's mom, diligently making
no sense whatsoever
"Sex is the only sound investment."
-Becky, in economics
"There's eight syllables in 'man.'"
-Tristan, about a Pulp song
"He always gets to the point where he's really cool again, and then he
just blows it by not existing anymore."
-Em
Becky: Have you been cheerful?
Dameon: Mm... sure.
Becky, narrowing her eyes: That doesn't sound very enthusiatic
or sure.
Dameon, laughing: Yes! I've been INCREDIBLY cheerful! So cheerful
that I've been prancing around naked all day like a fairy! So cheerful
that I went around hugging everyone in sight! I'm cheerful! I love life!
"We're girls, and we have hair and an acoustic guitar. Of course we're
folksingers."
-Em's response to Becky's assertation
that their cover of Pulp's "Live Bed Show" sounded like a folk song
Alejandro: What happened to you?
Becky: I turned purple.
Alejandro: Oh, that's nice.
Becky: Frosting! Frosting! Frosting on their nipples!
Emily: I'd prefer brownie mix.
"You can utilize the warmth of my thighs anytime that you need to."
-Becky, to Em
"[Alan Greenspan is] almost God, in economic terms. In him we trust!"
-Sr. Alejandro
Becky: I think I wanna grow up and be the next Alan Greenspan.
Emily: You want to be an economist?
Becky: No, I want to be God.
Becky: I wonder what it's like to date us.
Emily: Really weird, unpredictable, and kind of irritating.
Becky: I wouldn't wanna do it.
Emily: No way in hell.
"We work in weird ways. We're kinda like God."
-Em, to Becky
Tristan: I've been living for 17 years! I think it's time that
I move out of this little phase.
Emily: That would involve dying.
Tristan: So then I need dying?
Emily: If you want to stop living.
"Do you know how many chairs I sit in?"
-Em
Becky: I'm hungry, Sarah!!
Sarah: You could eat me out...
Becky: I'm more in the mood for pizza than fish. Besides, I said
I was hungry; not thirsty.
Emily: I'm doing Calculus.
KK: As opposed to massive amounts of opiates... Gotcha.
"You are the coolest person in the world."
-Heidi, because Em let her have
a couple Goldfish crackers
"Imagine what she'd do for an M&M!"
-Becky's mom, in response to
Heidi's quote
"I don't pee in coffee. I only pee in normal drinks."
-A random Chris downtown
"That's kind of stinky... but it's warm, and it's yours!"
-Becky, describing a comfy position
with one's head up one's ass
"So then we went outside to play our favorite game, 'Or Not,' which consists
of kicking a tree and yelling, 'Or not!'"
-Pablomiel
"Oh, geez, I've got cheese in my hole!"
-Becky's mom
"I've got an idea. Let's take up smack and live in England.
I'm a British citizen. It would be feasable."
-KK
KK: I hate computers.
Becky, to Em: He loves computers. You should've seen him with his
computer last Saturday night. It was very impressive. He's got a flexible
computer.
"I'm bored off my penis. Let's go do something. . . .
I said 'penis.' That was un-sammy-like."
-Sammy
"Wow. They just raped me for coffee."
-KK
"You make we wet my pants in a most delightful manner."
-Becky
"That's one of the rules at our house: No dead taxi drivers
in mommy's bed."
-Becky's mom
"Where's the devil?"
-Amanda
"How does the money feel about being trapped in your pants?"
-Casey
Emily: We don't need to be having sex to be okay!
Becky: That's our motto!
"Oh man! You got my butt kicked on the behelding
of cheeses! I only beheld cheddar! And Beckapottamus only beheld da motz!"
-Braden, to Em
"I like how you spell 'bleh'... very accurate."
-Becky's mom
"Every day, I get that stupid song stuck in my
head-- the Canadian Anthem!"
-Amanda
"Do you see the insanity that is my pants?"
-Kate
"It could have something to do with heartburn; if
you squeeze too tight, I could puke in your ear."
-Becky's mom
"Have a good day, sugar, and thanks for calling to
tell me I'm an idiot."
-Becky's mom
"I never called you a bitch, you fucking
whore!"
-Justin, to Lindsey
"It'd make you happy for a bit, unless he was bad,
in which case, you'll spit your eyeball back out."
-Becky
Emily: The undead always disturb me for
some reason.
KK: You shouldn't meet my family, then.
Becky: Tristan says that boys can have
babies.
Emily: Tristan was dropped on a can of paint chips and
inhaled as an infant.
"All right! All right! I don't have one! Quit thinking about my
genitalia!"
-Becky, to Tristan
"I really have no desire to grab your crotch."
-Em, to Becky
"I'm socializing."
-Leland, whispered to Becky at a
party
Becky: These pants are dragging my butt off.
Emily: That's not a pleasant way to exist.
Justin: Jenny! You look beautiful today!
Jenny:
Shut up! My pants are way too big!
Becky: I need to pee. I don't want to pee.
Emily: Wet your pants!
Becky: I might!
Emily: But remember to clean up after yourself! If you don't, your
room will reek of urine.
Becky: Oh yeah. Hmph.
Emily: And then no one will want to have sex with you. Ever.
"I am the first judge of that one guy's nipple. My scores are the only
ones currently computed. The fact that that makes me happy is
disturbing."
-Casey
"So you don't really have corn sadness, you have unexpected meal
sadness. Inadvertant injestion sadness."
-Becky's mom
"CORN CHEATER!! That pan was empty; don't you think that I don't
know!! CORN CHEATER!! You have to clean the kitchen; that's your
sentence!!"
-Becky's mom
"Other people don't write down what their mothers say!!"
-Becky's mom
"Your mother is quite possibly the human embodiment of an insane
asylum."
-Emily, in the nicest possible
way, really
"I've decided to call you Emmy-Pop-Tart."
-Becky, to Em
Sua: Kanika is going to have a baby.
Emily: Wow! Congratulations! ... Good job!
Em's dad, laughing: Yeah, Sua. We knew you had it in you!
"Wanna rub heinies?"
-Becky's mom
"Yeah, that's what I do when I get drunk: I change my major."
-Em, very loudly, to Casey at
lunch one day
"Whoa, cool! We just jaywalked in front of a Lacey cop car!"
-Em
KK: You need a vibrator that runs Linux.
Offie: KK should help with the use of it.
Em: I think that would be the ultimate in linuxchixdom.
"That would be like me having an operating system before Becky."
-Margot
"I thought you said 'naked-ive'..."
-Pablo
"You're an enigma wrapped up in a meatball."
-Margot
"I have a skin deficiency."
-Margot
"The Hand is going to eat you! .... I don't have a mouth! Hands can't eat
you!"
-Becky, to Em and KK while parked
at Safeway
Emily: Does she say ASDF in person?
KK: No.
Emily: Just checking... In a moment of frustration.... "ASDF!"
"Clamelot? I'm surprised this isn't a ride at Disneyland."
-Em's mom, on the way to Tokeland
KK: ...with MP3 being the second most searched for word on the net
besides sex.
Casey: Actually, I thought mp3s were ahead of sex for awhile.
KK: Which would you rather have: mp3s or sex?
Casey: Depends on how many mp3s.
KK: Exactly.
"It's like a Jack in the Box." *hums "Pop Goes the Weasel"*
"...yoink!"
-Morgan, about the younger
Becky's habit of,
uhm, yanking her male family members' members after they left the shower
"...I can pee left-handed!"
-Becky
"You didn't ever blow up your date! Guess you haven't been hard up yet,
huh?"
-Becky's mom
On IRC one night, KK's nick is
rt_dead...
Sammy: KK, I think you should change your nick to something that
doesn't refer to you being dead, cause it makes me think weird things.
KK, changing his nick to rt_maimed: Better?
Becky: How old were you when you didn't have sex?
Jon: Well, I haven't had sex a few times.
Becky: I like it that you think I'm an idiot!
Becky's mom: I like it that you think you're not!
KK: Apparently Mike and his friends went to the mall this weekend
to ogle goth girls at Hot Topic.
Emily: The goth girls. At Hot Topic. ...I see.
KK: Yeah. Sad.
"It's thick and really firm."
-Gail, about her new mattress
Gail: Wherefore dost thou call me fruit preserves?
Becky, laughing: I don't know.
Gail: And where oh where has my peanut butter gone?
Becky: Daaaaaaaameooonn!! Where aaaaaaare you??
Dameon: Ooooovvvvveeeeerrrr heeeerrreee!! But don't come find me!
"But.. Becky...!! It can't go in there if I'm facing the wrong
way.. Becky!! Don't bend it...!! BECKY!!!!"
-Becky, about some of the
unlikely positions in the Kama Sutra
"Virginity is a girl's most prized possession, you know."
-Becky, fluttering her eyelashes
*smiles sleepily* "You're such a nice young grapefruit." *falls
over snoring*
-Becky, to Dameon
"Hey, sexy thang! Wanna go play horseshoes?"
-Becky, to Dameon
"I love you. Your brain works right."
-Becky, to Gail
"Do your chore, whore!"
-Becky's mom, to Becky, because
it
rhymed
"Can you imagine eating something ten inches long?"
-Becky
"I want to be so rich that I can hand the waiter a stock certificate and
say, 'Keep the change.'"
-Jen the cute one
"Hell, I know what you are. You're the ectoplasmic human form of the twin
sister whose embryo I absorbed before being born. You're back to taunt me
and steal my life."
-Alain
"Meg [Emily], you're a seductive anchorwoman and Elaine [Becky Chow], you
are the other
wankerwoman."
-Casey's AP English video
unscripted
Freudian slip
"Everyone tells me there are people there who want to have sex with me. I
don't believe them, but I'm going to find out!"
-Morgan
"I'm leet like Wesley Willis."
-Kime
"Don't know why, but I have had an urge to call you Emmie Whemmie Puddin'
Pie for the last week or so."
-Casey
"What if my panties were to drop? And a milkman were to leer at me? And
the celery? What about the celery!"
-KK, about the Art of Art
Frahm
Leland: This dog scares me.
Emily: What dog?
Leland: The dog on my chest. It freaks me out.
"It's every man's dream: two shoes."
-Paul, making lewdly suggestive
remarks with Em's Docs
"Don't turn it off unless you want me to be decadent all over the
bed."
-KK, eating chocolate and
watching videos very late at night
Emily: Tears are a good thing.
KK: Not when they drip in your ear. ...they tickle...!
"Girls can be neat, too. Not like retro gaming, though."
-Casey
Becky's mom: Stir the chili!
Becky: I don't want to stir the chili! It wants to be calm and Republican!
"Did I pee?"
-Becky
"You are better than chicken butt."
-KK, to Em
"Nothing says 'I'm a bored, silly girl with a bunch of similar friends' to
me like a Victorian boarding school."
-Casey
Em: No shirt, no shoes, no service.
Paul: I thought it was the other way around: no shirt, no shoes,
porn star.
"If life gives you lemons, throw the lemons away and become a porn
star!"
-Paul, a 12-year-old boy
referring to porn stars for the second time that day in conversation with
his older sister
Becky: Well, if the shoe fits... buy another pair!
Em: Wow. That is a scary expression.
Becky: Yeah, I just made it up. I get to be scary now because I'm
so Cool (tm).
Becky: I wanted to learn to make spaghetti so I could eat it.
Pablo: Don't have any jelly?
Becky: That doesn't go on noodles!
Pablo: Corn doesn't go on burgers, either.
Becky: True... and jelly doesn't go on corn!
Pablo: But corn could go on noodles.
Becky: It could, but it shouldn't.
Pablo: But it might!
Becky: Just say no to corn!
Pablo: Just corn it!
Pablo: Your mom's not back yet?
Becky: No. I don't know when she'll be back.
Pablo: Mmmmmmm... maybe she was kidnapped by some alien giant
mushroom!!
Em: What can you do for food?
KK: I can juggle, I guess... don't ask me to sing, though.
Em: Beg, borrow, and steal?
KK: For sex, or for food?
Em: Which need is stronger?
KK: Don't make me choose!
Em: Ice cream is my friend.
Becky: I thought I was your friend! You never eat me!
Em: Ice cream is my utility friend. You're... one of those
other kinds of friends that isn't there for mere utility value, so you're
better than ice cream. If I ate you, I would use up all your utility and
everything else would suck!
Becky: Oh.
Em: Wow. I am actually going to live in the same state as my
boyfriend.
Becky: I'm in the same country with one of mine! And the same
continent with two! And the same hemisphere with three!!
Becky: I don't do it on purpose!
Becky's mom: You do it on purpose!
Becky: If I don't know, how the hell could I do it on purpose?!
Becky's mom: You're good at that!
"Momma, right now isn't always the time I am." pause, laughter "So
there."
-Becky
"Why is it that only you get to be annoying?"
-Em's dad, to Paul
"[Headaches are] nature's way of saying 'headbang in moderation.'"
-Casey
"I'm not even wearing my penis!"
-Paul
"How are all your various persons of somewhat significant importance?"
-Em, to Becky
"I'm an old saggy hag!"
-Becky
"This is known to all wise men: Becky is Angelic is Becky is Nuts."
-Jealousy
"That's not fecal matter--it's love."
-Paul
