Anxiety

I glance at the clock. It still reads 10:45. Can't wait, can't wait, must wait.

This is ridiculous! Where is everyone? I thought they were leaving? I wonder if they left yet?

My thumb feels raw, as though I've been unable to keep my teeth from unleasing their nervous wrath on its already wounded flesh. A thoughtless action, but the thumb is in my mouth again, and these terrified teeth are doing their business.

I can't seem to think straight. From the hotel window, I can see a hundred cars breezing along in perfect Bostonian harmony, obviously getting closer to whatever it is they're doing than I am. Twitch, twich, twitch.

What if they never come? What if I never leave?

Mom says I need to eat something, but my head is spinning and nothing sounds edible. The imagined, uncomfortable scent of burnt coffee engulfs my nose. Tap, tap, tap. Can't eat, should eat.

I feel very sick of this room, and I've only been here a day. There's a sickening shade of yellow on the headboard I can't look at. Luggage and unlaundered clothes are strewn everywhere. What if they see this stuff?

My opened suitcase contains several plastic baggies of travel items. I nervously fuss with my unkempt hair at the sight of my comb. Maybe I ought to comb it. I ought to paint my nails. Black is a nice color. It's too bad I keep chewing on them, and I doubt I could steady the brush with my hands shaking like that.

Why am I shaking? This is supposed to be fun; the best day of the summer. Friends, music, Boston, no rules.

Friends... Where are they? Who are they? I've never met these people in my life. What am I doing? I must be crazy. I sure feel crazy.

That's how I'm wasting the day, in a crazy haze. I must be crazy if I can't even bring myself to eat, and over what? A concert! Sigh. I could use a nice long nap now, except I'm too awake to play dead.

The laptop plays one loud disc after another, leaving distortion-drenched guitar candy swirling through my frazzled brain. I wish I could be enveloped in the sound; it's too beautiful and calm. Sigh. Tonight won't come soon enough.

(from Honors English 11)